Rocky Mount Telegram
By Laura McFarland
Friday, September 05, 2008
For Moriah Vincent, 12, it is her parents.
She likes the way they make her feel good and loved.
“Whenever I need help doing something and whenever I am sad about something or upset, they help me and they talk to me and they encourage me,” Moriah said.
For Haley Mayle, 10, they are her favorite country music singers. Haley can reel off the titles of Taylor Swift or Gretchen Wilson songs like the days of the week.
“They are my role models basically. I love to sing, and they sing,” Haley said.
For children, finding a role model or mentor to look up to is a natural part of growing up, said John Tedesco, vice president of development for Big Brothers Big Sisters of the Triangle. How today’s generation of children looks up to movie stars, musicians and athletes is the subject of many adults’ concerns, but the youngsters have a greater chance of choosing someone closer to home if it is an option.
“I don’t think they are looking for as much in a role model as what we are hoping to provide them. I think for a kid, they are just looking for somebody to believe in them. They are looking for somebody who cares enough about them that they can begin to believe in themselves,” Tedesco said.
The possibilities for filling these roles are endless, though not always desirable, Tedesco said. Many children have a favorite relative who is always there with hugs and encouragement. Some find help and acceptance with a volunteer at an after-school program or a Sunday school teacher. Others have little or no positive adult influences to choose from and look to friends, gangs or a glamorous celebrity to model their behavior after.
Either way, the children are still searching for that connection.
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Regardless of the reasons for choosing a role model, the decision will have long-lasting effects on a child’s life, said Ronald McNeill, director of operations for Boys & Girls Clubs of Nash/Edgecombe Counties. These are the people children are going to believe in and emulate.
“Kids really do want guidance. They really do want someone to care and be concerned about their well-being. I think that is universal for all young people, whether it is a boy or girl. I don’t think there is a specific list of things that kids look for in a mentor. … I just think they are looking for someone to care,” McNeill said.
One or two generations ago, more children had a traditional support network, so who they chose as a role model was easier to gauge, Tedesco said. People emulated their parents, grandparents, community leaders and pastors.
As many children lose sight of those closer connections, they start copying what they see on television or behaviors modeled by celebrities in tabloids, Tedesco said.
“We are moving faster and faster in the media age with the Internet and the YouTube generation, and these children, they are seeing it in their face. They are seeing it as a chance to step up and be somebody, be a celebrity, be a star athlete or a star something, just to be something,” Tedesco said.
The decision to look up to a celebrity is less about the star’s morals and values and more about materialism, said Michael Wendt, founder of Role Model Institute in Merrimac, Ma. He has worked with many children and teenagers who claimed sports stars or famous musicians as their role models.
“Kids are looking for those things that make them seem cool. A lot of your musical artists that they feel like are kind of out there and maybe even a little bit controversial are considered to be cool because they are different. Sometimes they will look up to them just because they feel like that will get them attention,” Wendt said.
Having famous role models doesn’t have to be bad though, said Loretta Avent, volunteer coordinator with Communities In Schools, a college access program for at-risk youth in Rocky Mount. While obviously the best role models are ones that children see on a regular basis and constantly receive encouragement from, those celebrities can serve the valuable purpose of providing dreams to reach for.
“There is nothing wrong with a child dreaming. Although they may not see that particular person, that is a dream for them,” Avent said.
Still, the people who are actually going to support the children in those dreams are the ones in their everyday lives, said Cornelia Singletary, family resource program manager for the Down East Partnership for Children.
The best choice is usually the parents, who are there from the beginning and are really a child’s first teachers, even if they don’t realize it, Singletary said. Instead of having a mentor program, the Down East Partnership focuses on teaching parents to be positive role models to their children.
“A star basketball player is probably somebody a child is not going to meet, but a parent is somebody that they are going to see every day. If a parent feels confident about their parenting skills, hopefully the child will feel good about going to the parent with issues or problems,” Singletary said.
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However, there are many children being raised in unhealthy or strained environments who don’t have that opportunity, Avent said. That is where those outside influences become so important.
Mentors who see children as little as once a week in an after-school program or Sunday school class can still make a huge impact on their outlooks and behavior.
No one can put a price on the type of effect a caring adult has on a young child’s life, McNeill said. People can become frustrated when they do not see results right away, but the impact has still been felt.
“It could forever change their life. It could change the course of their life from going on a negative route to a positive one. It could even help them maintain a positive track if they are on a positive track,” McNeill said.
